It has been such a crazy week, flooding and no water and then water boil ordinance and then Kevin’s grandma passed away, it’s hard to believe that a week from tomorrow school starts. It’s so strange to think that this is going to be my fourth and final year of undergraduate studies, I can remember freshman year so vividly and I still don’t know that I feel as grown up or as “together” as I’ve always expected to feel at this moment.
I definitely think I’m different, but that’s good, I’ve changed a lot and I can’t say that I’m really unhappy with any of my experience. I’ve made some poor decisions but I don’t know that I would take anything back, if I could. When you’re in a place where you’re content you kind of have to reflect on everything, good and bad, and be content with it as well because that’s how you reached your current life situation. I’m just still, somewhat apprehenisive about what comes after graduation next spring. On one hand it’s really exciting to be so open to possibilities but on the other…there’s just this kind of uneasy feeling in my stomach because bigger choices equal bigger risks. I have such a desire to find the exact right thing for me because I am so concerned about being happy but I also feel like I have no clue what it could be.
I ran into Iowa State’s former Peace Corps representative Friday night and had a talk with him. Peace Corps is something I’ve been so interested in ever since I went to my first information session my sophomore year. Last year I started my application but when it got to the part about private debt it made me realize that I can’t actually participate in the Peace Corps, at least not until I pay off my private student loans. I was pretty crushed but I hadn’t thought about it too much lately until I started talking to Nick about everything. It just seems like something I would enjoy so much especially now that I have some experience travelling. The opportunity to meet new people, learn new languages, and actually feeling like I’m doing something and having some impact on the world. I guess we’ll see how the next few years go, what with getting a real job and paying stuff off but I really hope maybe someday I can have this experience I’ve always wanted.