There is nothing more frustrating in life than not making any progress. It’s so disheartening and just makes you want to give up. I’ve been dealing with this feeling of going nowhere for about 7 and a half months. It just sucks up all my energy and happiness everytime and I have no idea what to do about it. I wish that I could just give up and not care and I’m honestly trying but there’s something in me that refuses to just let go. It’s my one constatant source of unhappiness and it’s just further frustrating because I feel like I have no control over it, I can’t make myself not feel anything about it or not think about it and the only way to resolve it requires action from another person.
I can go decent amounts of time without letting it get to me but it seems like lately it’s been worse rather than better. I’ve been thinking about things more instead of less and feeling more strongly. I just feel like by now, after more than half a year, the pain should be dulling or gone and the fact that it’s not is driving me insane.
I think a huge part of it is just being in this town still. Ames is entirely too small after 3 years, I know too many people and have too many memories that just make it hard to escape everything. I love Iowa State and I’ve really enjoyed my experience here but I’m oh so ready to move on with my life and I really don’t think I can successfully do that until I leave here.